autumn colors

fall color is here in full vigor.

the air had finally become crisp. pumpkins showed up on porches and dining room tables. stores already had been stocked with full christmas wares weeks before thanksgiving, true to tradition.

i love fall, so i was soaking it all up. i had accepted that with our dry summer we wouldn't see anything impressive this year in the way of fall leaves, but i had actually still enjoyed a tree here or there. i had found two beautiful scarlet trees a block away, so each time i took our newfoundland "captain" for his walk, i would purposely take a route where i could soak up their beauty one more time.

but over the last few days i found i was wrong: the splendor of fall had only begun to show her full color.

now nearly everywhere i look i see vibrant golds, almost flourescent oranges, passionate reds, and every shade between.

it's amazing that these colors are nothing new. that every year, they grow from tiny buds, leaf into full maturity during summer, just hiding the whole time beneath the mossy greens of clorophyll. in case you're feeling a little rusty on your biology (because we never forget anything we learn in school, eh? :), clorophyll is the particular molecule in plant cells that allows them to use sunlight to help produce plant food. they are also what give leaves their green color. in the fall, photosynthesis, this process of creating plant food, begins to shut down as the trees prepare for their winter hibernation. as it shuts down, the clorophyll goes away revealing the colors that have been there all along.

perhaps you could call them a tree's true colors.

maybe it's kind of like people.

you know how as people get older they seem to settle more into themselves? strengths become stronger, and weaknesses become obvious to even the casual observer. values become irreversibly ingrained.

so there's the elderly woman who can't say anything good about anything, but instead she continually complains from deep rooted experiences that left her bitter.

and then there's the grandparent that seems to think nothing of themselves, continually giving in any way they can.

but the retiree who says they have no energy to give.

yet the old man who leaves more than memories in his wake--who leaves a legacy of wisdom everywhere he goes.

and i wonder what my true colors will look like when they are revealed in my older years.

what are we doing to cultivate the colors that everyone will see someday?

Rubberneckers

There's a firetruck sitting outside Prince St Cafe right now. And from where I am sitting, I can see several people peering out the windows watching. Wondering what's going on.

I can be an awful rubbernecker.

You know, one of those people who wants so badly to slow down when they drive by an accident, just to see what happened.

One of my closest friends recently entered into one of the darkest times of her life. Her husband last week told her he didn't love her anymore and wanted a divorce. And walked out.

The days since then have been full of emotion. Pain. Betrayal. Fear.

There are times that I wonder "should I pick up the phone and call one more time? Is it okay to stop by AGAIN? Am I just being a rubbernecker in the midst of a crisis? An uneccesary by stander, distracting people from what needs to be going on?"

But then I realize that it's because I care. I hurt because I love them. I think about them and want to call because I care.

And although there are times that you need to just keep driving by and not slow down, when your best friends are in crisis, it isn't one of those times. Maybe that one more phone call or stopping by won't get in the way as much as I fear it will. And maybe if I had stopped by sooner I could have helped before this happened.

cribs and extreme makeover: home edition

i had an incredibly relaxing weekend. time hanging out with friends, watching tv, going to the Step Into Africa exhibit, sleeping in, going to a friend's wedding...sunday night, matt & i were flipping channels and happened across "cribs" on mtv. sometimes i like watching this show--it's fun to see other people's homes, how they live, and dream of living in such luxury :)--so we started watching it. i was quickly disenchanted as the particular people on this episode were rather self-consumed and cocky. they didn't seem to really care about anything that really mattered.

we started flipping channels again and found out that "extreme makeover: home edition" was on as well. secretly, we both LOVE this show and cry every time we watch it (oops, did i say that?), so we decided to watch it.

as we watched the story unfold of a single mom who has given so much of herself and her love to children dealing with HIV, and we watched her & her kids be lavished with everything they couldn't provide for themselves, i was struck by the contrast between the two shows.

one is about me. one it about others.
one is about excess. one is about blessing someone else.
one is about living for pleasure. one is about sacrifices made for someone you care about.
one is about working your way up in the world. one is about grace.

what a beautiful contrast.

maybe extreme makeover: home edition is a little bit of the kingdom come to earth.

back in the garden...and letting go...

fall is one of the best times of year. or at least i think so. the air turns crisp, so you can put on a hat or sweatshirt, but the sun still radiates warm through the atmosphere. leaves start to turn brilliant hues and fall so you can wade through them crunching and smelling their spicy musk.

now that it's not so blazing hot (and incidentally all plants are on sale) i've been getting out in the dirt again, transplanting, dreaming, weeding, dreaming some more, continuing the evolution of my gardens. i can't explain how much i love this. there's something so alive, so grounding about getting down on your knees & getting dirty, interacting with something beautiful and alive, getting dirty and tired from working hard, breathing the fresh air...i planted a rasberry bush to enjoy tasty berries, transplanted my russian sage & lamb's ear from my old house (and redid their front garden with some more non-gardner friendly plants :), bought a mt everest allium bulb with visions of it's globed splendor, and have a wisteria & red trumpet vine just waiting to be tucked into the dirt to grow.

as i pushed the earth around the sage & lamb's ear in the dark yesterday evening (i didn't realize how early the sun is setting these days!), tears fell as i learn to let go. to let go of control in relationships and of the paralyzing fear that comes with this. behind it all, i think it's about trust. learning to trust the good in others. learning to trust i am loved and valued.

maybe it's not just the gardening yesterday that was grounding and healing...

the encouragement of a friend

last night a friend came over and hung out for a while. i realized what a sweet thing it is to have people in your life who are willing to talk about real issues with. don't get me wrong, it's great to have fun w/ friends, to watch tv together, to talk about nothing, to laugh. but i realized that i had been missing the kinds of friends who also are willing to speak to the harder issues of life.

and through our musings and sharings about seeking god, i found that just the right combination of challenge and encouragement can be a beautiful thing.

Dalat Vietnam

One of my sister's is currently vacationing in Vietnam. She had been in Cambodia for the last 8 months on a cross-cultural studies internship. Now that her team is at the halfway point (of their 16 month internships), they have 2 wks to explore the surrounding countries. Hope chose to backpack around Vietnam.

She just sent me a Skype message, just long enough to say she was in Dalat and was going to be renting a motorcycle to go up into the mountains today.

I try not to worry, but I'm not going to lie: I do. :)

off and running...

so today began a season of running again. i love to run, but i had two thoughts today:

1) wow i have gotten way more out of shape than i thought (let's just say that running through two U2 songs was about all i could handle)

2) don't ever think lancaster city is flat.

none the less, i'm so glad to be off and going again, and i am loving the beautiful trees & yards around where i am...