So, as you all know, it's been several weeks now since I decided to resign from my current job. I realized I had gotten in a rut of sorts. I was in a place that was okay, but I didn't feel like I had quite found that niche that was using my gifts to their fullest and where I felt fulfilled. I realized I needed to step out of my current situation so I would be able to broaden my horizons and take some time of self-discovery.
Only a few weeks of reflection and listening to God's whispers around me and I am amazed at the subtle ways I already feel more myself, more free, more authentic, more alive.
I guess when you are in such a transitional place opportunity for learning and growth sky rockets (not that you can't learn and grow in the other times).
One of the things I have been thinking about is authenticity. What does it look like in my life to be truly authentic. To be honest about where I am and who I am. To not feel like I have to put up a front that I am more "spiritual" (I think this word is a misnomer anyway, but I'll use it here just because I think you know my using it here is referring more to the stereotypes of spirituality) or more outgoing or more of a leader or more perfect or more whatever it is I feel like I have to be. It is so scary and so freeing all at the same time.
I wish I would put words to the feelings of being in this place. I feel like a whole world of possibilities is before me. Like God is working in mystery, weaving the threads of my life into something--which is incredibly hope inspiring at times and incredibly unknown and terrifying at times. Like I am rediscovering my faith and I am discovering myself. The image I keep thinking of is sitting on my porch swinging with all the time in the world--reading, reflecting, watching people walking by and the gardens whispering in the wind, the same breeze refreshing, whispering in my soul, and nurturing hope.
I must add a caveat here though. Not everyday feels like this. There are days I am honestly depressed. I feel scared, as I quit one job and no new ones are working out. For sure, my hope wanes some days, even feels completely dark. But even on these days, God is still at work, bringing growth, working out things I'm not even aware of. Because of this, I have to tell myself I can have hope.
May you find hope today. May you rest knowing that God is at work in mysterious, redemptive ways.
5 comments:
Hi Pearl,
I've been on a similar journey over the past 3 years. I finished college, knew my designed purpose, had an amazing job working for a non-profit - then it all came crashing down – I lost my job and almost lost my wife and son. But in God's normal style, everything’s been restored - except the job thing. I've been working professionally for over 2 years now and just panting for what God has next. I know my current job is just transitional and I know the dream God has given me - I'm just yearning and waiting - thinking and dreaming - dialoguing and wondering how long I'll have to dream about it before it is reality. I'll be checking back with you - and I'll be praying for you.
now that you mention it, the time when I got the happiest, when I finally felt like I had purpose and a direction of God's path was when I quit my job with no job in the future and we sent Eric to the Academy with no future of his career in his new line of work. Yet, look where we are in two years and I just keep looking back at the 2 years since we made that move and MAN HAVE WE BEEN BLESSED! With jobs, our house, our daughter, our church, our friends :) God provides! And He does an awesome job! Thanks for sharing! Ours prayers are with you!
PS- WELCOME HOME!!!!!!!!! We MUST convene again at Rachel's (plus Eric said if I go another time I could get the TSHIRT!) and I need to hear ALL THE DETAILS of your trip, how it was at the new camp, what it was like to be the LEADERS, the bonds, the stresses and the overall beauty of being in Prauge.....ahhh..share yoru stories, I can't wait to hear them!!!
Hrmmm. i like this. wish i was pondering with you.
p.s. the fast is done tonite. thanks for your advice. i actually recently had a class on fasting and got the INFO haha. im no expert but much more educated than i was so to speak.
p.p.s. when are you guys coming to minneapolis? there is a banquet friday nite which is pretty important to me, its specifically for the grads and family.. if you plan on arriving friday is the banquet possible? If not, dont feel bad. i just wanted to know for tickets and such. AND after graduation are you interested in planning any events on the town, any specific entertainment you'd be interested in for the visit? Ideas were the Fitsgerald theater (prairie home companions famous homebase) the nepali restraunt, or the cambodian one i like. that would be fun. i dont favor the mall of america but if you want to see it id come.
It's a great feeling when you KNOW you're at a place where God wants you to be. You may not be in that place indefinitely, in fact probably not, but for now you're where you are supposed to be. That's where I'm at right now!
As "comfortable" as I am right now, I will keep in mind that I need to hold on with faith to any changes God will bring my way. That's exciting and character building!!! :)
God bless Pearl!
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